A Quick Word On Optimism

Just skimmed a rather sweet article about actor Josh Duhamel saying he was drawn to Fergie (Stacy Ferguson) because of her  optimism . On the advice of his father, he'd wanted someone who would know how to handle adversity. While optimism is inherent in some of us regardless of life's circumstances, difficult times make most of us more like Larry David than Mary Poppins. Ferguson abused drugs for years before finally coming clean. I suspect optimism was probably a large component of what helped her out of that rut.

I often reflect on the concept of inherent faith, the basis of which provides us with everything we need. Until we realize that, we base all our happiness and fulfillment on outside validation. Optimism, then, only exists when we have reasons to be optimistic. But just as faith starts within, so does optimism. Optimism is constant. There is never a "reason" to be optimistic. Optimism is about staying positive despite reasons not to be. The alternative, negativity, only begets dissapointment. In self-fulfilling prophecy, we're likely to lose what we've gained.

In conclusion:

Most limitations are self-imposed (we really are our own worst critics, as well our own worst enemies).

Narcissism and neediness often evolve from believing we can't provide our own needs. We become dependent on our partner, our job or our friends to maintain a sense of fulfillment. When our relationships become threatened, or cease to exist (often as a result of our needy, self-centered behaviors) our sense of self recedes further. We search for the next quick fix.

The solution is realizing we can provide our own needs. We all have unique gifts found in the activities we enjoy most, whether it's volunteering, writing, painting, cooking, collecting...or just being. It may seem ridiculously simple...because it is. Once we satisfy our own needs, truly defining our own lives, we'll be less likely to compare ourselves to other people. We'll stop depending on someone else to make us smile.We'll be better listeners, more patient and outward oriented.

We'll be able to get our optimism back, too.

And finally, we'll be able to keep our relationships strong.

Cheers to Josh & Fergie for making it work!